"Don't be harsh with each other. Speak kindly and speak tenderly. Be kind and be tender. It bothers me when a wife or husband is kind to others but not their own. That is wrong on every level. Your spouse, your children, your family should always be your first concern. Not anybody else! Be respectful to each other, support each other. Don't criticise! Whatever you won't do to others outside, should NOT be done to your spouse or children.
Charity, love, kindness, forgiveness, apologies; all that begins at home. It should be more evident at home. It should be more evident with those closest to you. It is not a good testimony when everybody on the outside speaks so positively about you while your family members, are looking shocked and gnashing their teeth, wondering if it's the same person they are talking about. That should disturb you to the core. If it doesn't, it means there is something fundamentally off balance somewhere. In fact, it means you are fake.
People often say that its human nature to be less tolerant of those we are closest to but that doesn't make it ok to do. Yet a wife or husband who may not tolerate something in their spouse can easily accept it from someone else. It doesn't make sense! Nobody is perfect but the beauty and potentials in them will always come alive if they are approached with tenderness, with tolerance, with acceptance. You will see that those weaknesses or things that you may not necessarily like in them, will begin to get better.
I am not an expert but I strongly believe that marriage is one of the best things given to us on the earth but it's our approach to our spouse, to our family, that determines our experience. That's my main message; if anyone wants to get the best out of their marriage, it's really in the seemingly simple things. It's not something that will happen automatically. One scripture I love so much tells us to let the word of God dwell richly in us (Colossians 3:16). If it's truly dwelling richly in us, it must show on the outside in season and out of season; it must show in our speech, our actions, everything! It will show even when the recipient doesn't necessarily deserve it. The real you is the person at home. It is the person you are when you are with your spouse and/or children. Disintegration in many families is caused by this; having more regard for those on the outside. It causes bitterness, anger, frustrations and every other negative factor out there. Please be conscious of this. Prevent it! Change it! Don't accept it as normal. This may seem like a minor issue but it can do major damage if it not nipped in the bud"