"It's important that before getting married to your potential spouse, you ask them about their vision, hopes and dreams concerning their life. I mean really ask them and understand what they intend to do in life. Many singles only hear the surface. Ok, he has said he is going to be a businessman, and the lady doesn't ask him what kind of business he is talking about, she doesn't ask him what it entails, she just leaps for joy. Or even the lady shares her visions and dreams while the man is looking for a housewife and trouble begins when they get married.
Pay attention to whatever they want to do in life, don't take it at the surface level, ask questions, no matter the profession. Such things will cause bitterness and frustrations if they are not deeply talked about and understood. He or she may not have the full picture but at least they should know some things about their future. If they have no clue, give them time to go and figure it out because it is very important to have direction in life before talking about marriage. And it's not enough to know about it but you must also ask yourself how you can assist them in accomplishing their God-given vision and aspirations.
Do you see yourself in the picture? One thing my husband made sure of during our courtship was that we both talked at length about our purpose in life. I mean, we wrote it down and asked all the possible questions. He said it was very important for him to know where I was headed. And we answered all questions based on what we had clarity on at that time; no assumptions. And as it unfolded, we kept each other updated and we continue to do so. That way, we know how best we can assist each other in bringing it to pass.
Also make sure you believe in their vision and identify with it. If you are not interested, it's ok. First, go and pray to God and if you still don't have peace, don't force the relationship. Don't go along with it and then become a stumbling block in the future. My husband and I prayed about our relationship and received the peace of God to go ahead; but 2 years into the relationship, he was ordained as a Pastor, and he told me his specific calling and everything. Then he told me to go and pray again, that while he is ok with me accomplishing my own visions and dreams, I must make sure I am still at peace to become a Pastors wife because it's another level. And he said if I didn't believe in it and if I don't want to be a Pastors wife, etc, I should let him know, it's ok if I decided not to continue on the journey towards marriage. Since I knew it and I decided to carry on, If I decide to be a thorn in his flesh now and trouble him, I believe even God will not be pleased with me because I had every right to back out then. It's so important.
Now, that's my story; yours may be completely different but the point remains the same. Have an idea of what they are doing or what they want to do. And once you make that decision to carry on, it means that you are ready to face any challenges that come with him/her. And believe me, challenges will come but what we must do is receive the grace to be the best possible helper we can be - whether you are the husband or wife! It's also true that the direction they may be going in may change but it's unwise to get married to someone whose vision you don't even agree with or who says "I don't know what I want to do with my life." Pray for them to get direction or focus quickly otherwise it can strain a relationship.
Also, please ask yourself how they can help you accomplish your own visions and goals. Observe them properly, don't laugh off some of their negative traits that they refuse to work on. It's not enough that they look good or that he or she is a Christian. What about their character and values? Such things can affect progress. What good is a good looking husband or wife who is irresponsible or lazy? Please take it seriously. This topic alone has affected many husbands and wives; many are not interested in what their spouses are doing or maybe their spouses still don't have direction in life. It can be quite frustrating and worst of all, it can hinder progress and peace of mind in the family. Then, it won't be a laughing matter so be wise! Again, you may not know everything and you don't have to but it's good to know some things. Remember, who you join yourself to determines where you end up in life. God will help your understanding"
Excerpt from a Courtship Foundation Class teaching by Kemi Oyedepo
Crisis-Proof Your Family
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