Wednesday, July 06, 2016

How to Avoid Marital Anion Through Opinion.

So many times I wonder how difficult is it to try see reasons with others way of thinking? And I've come to understand when two people cannot agree on any issue, pride has grown a tap root into their mind and heart. However, it's very important to bend a little until there's a meeting point of different opinions. The word for it, is understanding. This excerpt from a Family Life Class Teaching by Kemi Oyedepo should help couples understand how to avoid generating marital anion  (negativity) through opinion. 

"Two people can look at the same thing but reach different conclusions. Two people can hear the same thing and reach different conclusions. Sometimes, it's ok but in marriage, it can be dangerous. Why? Because the two people in it must be moving in the same direction to achieve anything tangible.

There are marriages where the husband and wife have different opinions on a matter and they hold on to those opinions firmly, unwilling to budge. They carry on building their home on two different opinions and visions, yet they are frustrated and wonder why things are not working. They wonder why things are getting worse. They wonder why their children may not be doing well emotionally, mentally, spiritually or otherwise.
Sometimes it's ok not to have the same opinion on a matter, but the topic matters. For example, I think a salad is good enough to have as a meal but my husband would never accept that. That is a minor issue - it can't affect the relationship. However, in a major issue that can make or break the home - such as how finances are handled, how children are handled, how we even merge our visions, how we approach our in laws, even our spiritual lives, etc, we MUST see eye to eye!
Having different opinions on such matters and the unwillingness to compromise can cause the disintegration of any family. It's true that you may not start out seeing something the same way however to get your spouse to see it from your perspective, HOW you do so, determines a lot. Don't be moved by your feelings, handle matters maturely and spiritually. Ask The Holy Spirit to give you the utterance that will gain entrance into your spouse’s heart.
Ask the Holy Spirit to give the two of you the wisdom required to make the right decisions regardless of whose opinion it was in the first place. That's why I always stress that your spiritual life is important. If you don't build yourself up spiritually, you will find yourself handling things in the energy of your flesh - and that will always fail! Don't force your opinion on them or disrespect them, that will only make matters worse. When you sit down and talk, you may discover that you are both saying the same thing but in different ways.
Remember that it is the SAME family unit the two of you are trying to build, and a home divided against itself cannot stand (Mark 3:25); it will eventually come crashing down. It's true that some people carry on with different visions and go in different directions, while trying to build their marriage and family for years and they look fine but really who wants to keep patching their relationship everyday?
No matter how people have handled theirs, we must recognise that agreement is a vital ingredient in the making and maintenance of any marriage. That is what God has in mind for marriage - Unity! Because that is where He can command His blessings to flow with ease (Psalm 133). Nobody enjoys war but everybody loves peace, at least most people do. And it is only where there is agreement, we find peace. And it is where we find peace that we find progress.
What you must always conclude is that whatever is best for this family, is the route we will take, and to do that, you must have a singular vision" .



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